SCORECARD

When the going gets tough...

Old Mo 271-6, beat Barford, 246 all out, by 25 runs.

Too hot to bat – too sunny to bowl – and 101 other FitExcuses…

Snitterfield, on the outskirts of Stratford-upon-Avon, home of Barford CC, was our delightful venue on the hottest day since schools had recently been re-closed due to melting concrete. As is standard for this time of year, temperatures are destined to soar in September as soon as the kids go back....

Birra Moretti was offered up to the Batting Gods as the pre-toss libation of choice...molto bene.

Things got hotter as some cramped FitMen crammed into the unvented changing room, with Skipper for the Day, Bilal, barking the batting order, having been our Master of Flip.

FitBatting
Twas to be Messer’s Martin and Eames, half of the CarTeaCrew, to open up. Decent pace and accurate darts from the opening offerings of our oppo, but soon the FitMen hit their straps and resorted to the shots that they, and only they, own. Harry cultured his way to 27, putting on 77 for the first wicket, Ade clubbing away at the other end.

Fourteen years a FitMan and so many times so close to the immortal (batting) Ton, all Ade needed was partners to guide him to his Holy Grail. Tuckerrrrr and SMouldy provided none of that, each wasting an over whilst not adding much to the total. After 14 overs, 77 for 1 soon turned into 90 for 3. After chipping and chopping his way past 50, the in-form and on-for-a-batting-award Jonesy was exactly what Ade needed to massage him to three figures. A fair bit of length in the outfield resulted in far too many singles and doubles for Ade’s liking, who even barked ‘no…don’t be silly, Jonesy’ when our Caucasian Curtley pushed an obvious single into the vacant cover region…

Cracking knock from Jonesy, wasting no time in hitting 68, which included 12 fours. The key to his innings, however, was NOT keeping schtum when drinks were taken, with Harry Eames whispering ‘Ade is on 91…’. In true FitMan fashion, probably as a consequence of having witnessed one of Ade’s into-the-90s-and-outs, Jonesy duly informed the big lad of the state of play…did he have another 9 in him was the big Q. Yes indeed, and with a flurry of scampered singles (akin to Peggy Mitchell running down the bar with a 10p stuck between her arse cheeks), and a couple of cracking cover drives, 101 not out was reached and enough was enough for the latest FitCenturion. 53 (14, really) years in the making, the first of what should have been many…let’s hope we don’t have to wait another 14 for the next!

101 retired not out, 80 balls, 17 fours, one shot – top knock.

A smattering of cameos to finish – Nokia being clean bowled 1st ball – Stevie Nicks dreaming of a 7 ball 13 actually hit a run-a-ball 13 (which included three top-class straight drives), Rameez clean hitting a sharp 19, and new FitMan Johnathan Hart showing Grade Cricket class which may not be suited to such a village setting. No Caines nor Bilal I hear you cry? Caines was busy making huge carbon footprints, un-greening the planet by keeping cool in dee car with dee air-con on, and Bilal…well…a skipper that was not going to bat nor bowl was that one…

So, a very formidable 271 was posted by the Fitmen in blistering heat, Griffin being the pick of the oppo bowlers with a four-fer.

Tea…CarTea
And so, to CarTea. With the abolition of team teas, the four Mazda dwelling FitMen were coaxed into a CarTea, each contributing a single offering. The scorer’s table was transformed into a spread of FitTea, the centrepiece being Harry’s drenched tuna sarnies, which seemed to have thankfully dried in the baking sun – this same sun did have the opposite effect in sweating up the cheese and DOP Branston sarnies, however.
Pakora and samosa dipped in chilli sauce were complimented with some pizza offerings, accompanied by saucy Nadja sausage and a tangy balsamic glaze.

To finish – sensations and Eccles cakes – surely the communal tea should make a return in 2024?

FitBowling (defending 272)
Bowlers ready? Paul C seemed to struggle with the abrupt change in climate, hacking his way down the hill to open up. After the initial over only going for 5, it was clear that, for our very own Bob Fleming, Line and Length, rather than Country, Matters…the next two overs going for 20 apiece!!! Rameez was the perfect foil and, in stark contrast, bowled one over for 10 followed by two maidens! Stock ball after stock ball (awayyyyyy schwwwingggggg) beat the bat on multiple occasions, with LB’s being turned down due to ‘going down leg…’.

After some brutal hitting, Paul C was replaced by Nokia, who swiftly removed himself after one over being clubbed for 20. At 70 for no loss after 7, Ade's Ton looked pedestrian and 271 simply not enough. The FitOpening batsmen were chastised for not accelerating as swiftly as our hosts were doing.

The 11th and 12th overs proved key. With the oppo coasting at 10 an over, FitMen thoughts turned to early drinks being taken in the annexed clubhouse across the road. However, antipodean Johnathon tweaked some lefties and had the more sedentary opener snaffled down the leg side by the FitKeeper. Rameez surely changed the game in the next over…the brutal opener (having clubbed 78 from just 34 balls) swung at one too many, kneeing it onto middle for a massive FitBreakthrough. Well-deserved for Rameez, who bowled through for that sole wicket, 8-2-31-1.
Having sparked a mutiny by refusal to bat and bowl, Bilal kicked one at long-on, which ended up at long-off, before collecting it himself and throwing down the middle stump as the batters tried to sneak a second – how dare they – very FanDabiDozi indeed.

Acceleration again from our oppo, who raced from 110 to 150 between overs 15 and 20. We needed FitHeroes to step up…most bowlers looked like they needed the comfort blanket of Linus rather than the 5h1t eating flies of PigPen that were circling and nibbling alllllll day.
Return, please, Sir Nokia of Hollywood (West Mids…). Having asked for some sunglasses as it was ‘too sunny to bowl’, the wily seamer resorted to bowling with his FitCap on. The classy oppo opening bowler was going nicely and had smoked a 50 in no time…nicked one to Tucks only to be spilled…Bruce Banner mode was initiated and one button comes undone, cap slammed to the floor…twice. Not to be deterred, Nokia climbs up the hill for another over. Batter smashed one to long-on where our man Billy (Ocean?) was still grazing, who snaffles it with aplomb…Bruce Banner mode now fully engaged, and the cap sees another mauling accompanied by a guttural roar…batter laughs, and all is well with the world. Nokia bowled the other guy who was also in good touch, and suddenly the brakes were back on – could the FitMen claw back a win from what once looked to be certain defeat?

At 200 for 6 after 27 overs, the oppo surely had other ideas.

...the tough get going...
Billy – is he the Ocean kind (deep, often wet, wild, and unpredictable), or the Elliot kind (balletic, boy-like)? Nevertheless, arm firmly untwisted from behind his back, the leading bowler brought himself on (courtesy of multiple FitViceSkippers…) and wrapped things up expertly really…3-fer 14 from 7 overs tells its own story, the skipper clearing the floor for the jug celebrations to commence, oppo finally bowled out for 246 in the final over.

53 (14, really) years in the making…53 (ish) quids worth of beers from the latest on the FitHonours board – well played all, and congratulations, Ade! Off for a Radox bath and an Ibuprofen-laced dinner.