SCORECARD

It's Raining Fitmen
Fitmen lose out to Frugal Landlords
Fitmen 154-6, lost to MACC, 155 for 6, by 4 wickets, paying £££Full whack for the privilege

Wikipedia states that “The Landlord and Tenant Act 1985 (c 70) is a UK Act of Parliament on English land law. It sets bare minimum standards in tenants' rights against their landlords”
On the eve of the ICC Cricket World Cup, the tenant (Fitmen) and their Landlord (Ashfield) introduced a few amendments to this act in order to get in a game of T20 cricket on a wet and windy May evening. The following new rules were introduced:

1 No fielding on the square
2 No running whilst the ball is on the square
3 Bowlers run up reduced to 7 paces (n/a to Fitmen bowling attached)
4 Landlords cannot be given out LBW (secret amendment not disclosed to the tenant)
5 Gentleman’s ring (amendment ignored by tenant)

A steady drizzle of mizzle moistened the leafy graveyard ground from 2 pm to teatime, but there is always hope. With the above L&T act amendments agreed, and 11 eager fresh-looking Ashfield players ready to go, 8 fitmen warming up with a Doombar and 3 “en route”, both skippers walked to the middle for the toss. Ashfield Skip Shears called Tails, Queens for Queens came up shining and Skipper Jones elected to bat.

FitBatting
The Fitmen's youth policy was in full swing as young bucks Howarth and Bice strolled out to the wicket. The Ashfield team was a family affair with Skipper Shears selecting many of his brood for the game. The fastest of the hedge (the collective noun for Shears) and occasional Fitman Felix, opened the bowling and he’s picked up few mph since his Fitmen days, bowling a speedy maiden off a shortened run up. Scoreboard took a rest until the 11th ball of the game with a wide bringing the score to 1-0 of 2 overs.

Bice fell early (1 off 8) to bring Harris to the wicket to be greeted with advice from Howarth that “this is a greasy crease”. Never to shy away from a greasy crease Harris painted a masterpiece of an innings, his brush was his Hawk bat as he stroked the ball around the wet outfield. A fine 77 not out was a class apart. Featuring 9 fours and 3 maximums at a strike rate of 142.59. One heavy Harris six was inches from smashing the fine Everest Conservatory of number 4 Mulberry Drive. The poor resident of Mulberry Drive had their evening EastEnders interrupted by not only a near miss from Harris’ brush but then a hooded Shariff and Faraz trespassing over their garden lawn hunting for the ball. Sorry love!

Supporting parts came from a welcome return from Chaz (16), smashing his first scoring shot for 2 years through the covers with trademark authority. The rest of the scorecard was a telephone number. Debutant fresh from the Derbyshire parks league Steve (6) middling a couple through the off side. Tardy Tucker (7) fresh from his mint cornetto in Henley In Arden smashing his first ball for six, and the Sharif (5) renewed from his weight training session of posting remaining and Brexiter propaganda into the letterboxes of B13 smashing the sodden ball to all parts. Extras second top scored with 35.

154- 6 a great effort by the tenants and difficult to judge if competitive as the greasy crease dried and the clouds slightly lifted.

FitBowling
Including a S Mouldering Hat-Trick
After a bit of confusion about opening ends, Tucker knows best. Faraz opened from the golf course end, the swing he created was met with a swinging bat as the Landlords started aggressively. This aggression was matched from the Mulberry Drive end from the Dangerous Dave Healey. Unfortunately, when working with dangerous substance DDH, that usual brilliant steady simmer of seam bowling tends to boil over. After a bit of usual banter, the checking to see if the batsman was free to see him next Tuesday was a step too far, and DDH was asked to go and graze on the boundary for the next 16 overs. Cheer up mate.

Sharif replaced Faraz and bowled with the guile and flair he is blessed wit,h keeping the power hitting of Ashfield under wraps (31-1 off 4). A change of ends from Faraz coming down the hill brought some better control (33 of his 4). With opening bat/bowler Felix (he must know the Ashfield skipper well) approaching 50, Caucasian Curtly brought himself on and skittled the danger man out with an inswinger uprooting the middle stump. Fitmen were back in it. Captain Shears walked to the wicket knowing a captain's innings was required to steer the Landlords to their target. The second ball smashed into his pad and even Honest Tuck appealing behind the wicket (“I only appeal when their out ump”). Unfortunately, the Tenants forgot clandestine amendment 4 of the L&T act 1985.

But the Tenants stood up strongly, and brought into the attached was their secret stand up. The latter half of the Landlord’s innings was riddled with Mould. Fresh from his Private Detective assignment that day hunting rouge Farmers (all of this is true), Stu bowled his finest spell in Fitmen colours (4-29). One skier was caught superbly in the deep by debutant Steve. The highlight of the Mould spell (which,in usual ridiculous fashion, was obviously missed by all Fitmen) was Moulds hat-trick. A wicket from the final ball of his 3rd over, and two wickets from the first two balls of his 4th over.....no one noticed this. After two wickets in two balls of his 4th over, we brought the field into the gentleman’s ring for the hat-trick ball (which would have been his fourth) then Mouldy, in classic Fitmen fashion, bowled a filthy leg side full toss!

Unfortunately, the 154 was about 10/20 light, and the landlords got home with an over to spare. But after a wet afternoon with no real prospect of play and square protecting rules changes, cricket was the real winner. Both teams went back into the dry warm bar for ales and crowd around mobile phones to watch an even more surreal farce of a game from Baku.