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Fixtures and Results | Match Reports

Date Against H/A Link Result Captain/Score
Sun 6 / 5 / 2018 Lapworth Home (YW) Won by 3 wickets. Oppo 147-4. Old Mo 148-7.


Fitmen sneak past Lapworth Maximum (Snooker pun in there for the World Championship fans ;), [Ed])

Fitmen 148-7, beat Lapworth 147-3, by 3 wickets

So to the first Fitmen outing of the season, records had been checked, the doomsday book viewed and it was decided it wasn’t quite the latest start in the season but close. With cries of ‘it’s too hot for cricket’ juxtaposed against the previous 5 games being called off for rain the Fitmen turned up to Ashfield, renamed for the day; Houlgate’s Abattoir, the intended victims; Lapworth.

The toss was duly won by the virgin Fitmen captain, and the oppo' inserted into bat, the pleas of Fitmen to not do anything but prop the bar up in the midday heat duly ignored and Sharif given the opportunity to add to his 95,000 mile weekly postal round. Opening bowler Sunny was nowhere to be seen; he’d bribed his way into selection on the proviso of some nuclear wings and promptly proceeded to forget them. This gave the opportunity to Raj and Healy to lead the charge, Fitmen were expertly placed in the field where they’d wandered to and both openers bowled tightly for no reward (both 0-6 of 4). Highlight of the first 8, oppo' opener creaming the ball for a guaranteed 4, turning his back to congratulate himself, and the ball holding up in the long grass left by our tactically astute groundsman to deny him any runs.

Sunny and James ‘I’ve now got some whites’ Tasker were first change and picked up where the first two left off, the oppo' clearly having seen many a Fitmen innings were onboard with our cricket style and had gone full turge mode. So it took some inspired captaincy (thanks Sunny) for Bal and Jonesy to enter the fold, Jonesy as others before him bowled tightly for no reward whilst Bal with his armoury of wickedly spinning deliveries flummoxed the opener with a straight one and propelled himself to leading wicket taker for the season, he could have had another were it not for the high Fitmen fielding standards.
As was the tale of the day for the Fitmen, Sharif entered the fray for no reward. Next up Nokia to cries of ‘bowl your slower ball’ who opened up with two leg side deliveries both dispatched to the boundary for subsequent 3’s, it’s unclear who was more offended by this, the oppo' running 3’s in the midday heat or Sharif cantering to the boundary twice in a row, the weekly miles now well over 100,000. Nokia finished off tightly, allowing Healey and Tasker back into the fray. Healey as ever bowling for his economy turned down the opportunity to appeal for a plum LBW hitting the batsmen’s foot and carries on the Fitmen mantle of being the unluckiest bowler out there. Despite his protestations that it was never out and pleading with the umpire to give the batsmen benefit of the doubt he became the first Fitman to pick up Tucker’s coveted brown card, what that means nobody wants to know. Ball of the day soon came from Tasker, a slower ball, coming back in off the pitch had the other opener done all ends up. Then Jonesy, instead of taking a blinding catch in the field, decided to dummy it to Bal who swooped for a quick throw to Houlgate to dispatch another batsmen and ensure Healey was yet to get an entry in the wickets column. Oppo’s innings finished off with another run out and another dropped Fitmen catch, restricting them to 147, it was time for tea.

A cracking spread with early season Chicken Wings only 7-8/10 on the Sunny scale and some Welsh cakes courtesy of Jonesy going down a storm with everyone apart from Gavlar who doesn’t eat any of that foreign muck.

So to the Fitmen innings, Gavlarrrr fresh from dancing the night away with Habib of Torquay looked good as did Howarth. However Howarth keen to disprove Herr Martin’s prediction of 9 caught and bowled Tim Fell proceeded to play on whilst on 15. Healey was itching to join the innings; not with his bat but as umpire so he could provide some much needed impartiality to proceedings and continue to exchange pleasantries with the Lapworth 'keeper. Jonesy looked up for the challenge before edging one through which bought Sharif in. The two settled in with Gavlar first on the sixometer before deciding that running two’s was too much in the heat and some liquid refreshment was required, a direct hit from deep in the outfield dispatching him direct to the bar for a Carling. Sharif was next to trouble the sixometer after confidently asking the kids to move from the boundary to streak to 28. The encouragement from the bunch of cropped Fitmen sitting in the sun drinking Aspall’s powered the Fitmen on through, with the long Fitmen tail wagging hard. A brief appearance from Raj, then next in Houlgate, to cries of "Captain’s innings required", and Herr Martin’s predictions again coming true; ‘Houlgate’s looking good’ bowled next ball yahooing at a straight one for 12, then a handy 24 from Sunny before falling to his second swish into the air. Enter dangerous and Nokia, with 10 overs left to score 16, Fitmen’s nerves were frayed however they saw it out for the first win of the season and Skipper’s immediate retirement with a 100% win record.

The earlier start of 1pm had baffled some Fitmen and the oppo', but meant more time for beers in the evening sun reflecting on a good first win. With a host of never before seen captains and majority of games called off so far it bodes well for an unbeaten season. Could this be the season where the Fitmen go from undateables to undefeated…? Thanks to TC for his sterling assistance; Tea lady and Aspall’s drinker.