SCORECARD

Well what a week and what an incident packed game to report upon at Lapworth!
Following a cyber attack on the fitmen website with Tony Caesar’s economy rate threatened with corruption, the IT police got the Fit-house in order and all fears were allayed. Whatever happens don’t give Sharif a log in for god’s sake or he’ll be helping himself to cheeky singles and extra catches to bolster an already gargantuan ego!
With the weather set fair (again!), a good xi assembled (average age 44?) at the ever welcoming Lapworth clubhouse. Toss won with a tail, a new look opening pair of Rich B and Gerraint E were asked to “get on with it” from the “Captain” – a loose phrase for the evening. Herder of cats or Talent P.A would be nearer the mark, as we will come onto later.
Well taken quick singles putting pressure on the fielders along with a smattering of timely blasts lead to an impressive 38 for 0 off the first 5 overs. Interestingly, Harris (wearing his angry pants for the evening) was umpiring whilst Gerraint got a faint inside edge – played for apparently, onto an unused upturned helmet, garnering 5 penalty runs. Anyone know the signal for such a rare occurance? No? Well for future reference, think how you would carry 2 heavy pieces of wood on each shoulder and you are about there…More about spurious/un-known umpire signalling later.
Three overs later it was a more Fitmenesque 48 for 3 with the loss of Bice bowled, Evans caught and the clubs leading wicket taker “I’m a bloody batsman” Taz out for a 4 ball duck. Howarth asked to take one for the team, coming in at 4 looked far more assured at this position, glancing and guiding the ball to an excellent 14 off just 10 deliveries to keep the score ticking over. Frost as always, turned dot balls into 2’s and singles into all run fours before being bowled for 13. Tucker of the tight groin went for it from the off and was caught first ball for a golden and Lapworth felt the game was theirs with 6 down and less than a hundred on the board.
What they weren’t expecting was the nightmarish vision of Harris in at 7 smashing 3 boundaries in quick succession on his way to 18, allowing the vastly experienced Sharif and “one shot” Martin to the crease with 4 overs to go to pile on the misery with 21 not out each off not many to spiral the score to 152 for 7. Sharif deserved more….especially when a blatent inside edge was given as a bye, denying this leg-end of the game 22 not out. Cricket is just not fair sometimes eh?
So to the Lapworth innings, requiring just under 8 an over from the off. The ever dependable Ash bowled superbly, allowing just 3 an over and claiming the wicket of the opener, clean bowled. Mr Angry Pants opened up at the other end swinging the ball prodigiously which led to him being wided a couple of times. Jesus umpire, couldn’t you feel the heat coming off those Angry underpants? Please don’t wide him again or else……”Wide ball”….cue histrionics, feet stamping and gnashing of teeth. Understandable seeing as this was a Birmingham Premier league top of the table clash…er, hold on, no, take that back, a friendly against Lapworth on a nice Summers evening.
Very much like the Dr David Banner, please don’t make him angry, as you wouldn’t like him when he becomes….the Incredible Sulk. Harris is a different beast though, turning rage into high calibre performance. With quicker bowling suiting the batsmen, one of the 8 Captains on the field for the night offering amazing insights into fielding positions, who should bowl/what I was doing wrong, “get a grip…you’ve lost control”, was my personal favourite – an on-field committee meeting was called. It was voted that Taz should have a bowl (even though he is a batsman) and a great decision that proved to be – Thanks co-captains!
First up the hard hitting opener hit one straight at “soft hands” Howarth who grabbed the chance with both hands. An over or so later, Harris then bagged possibly catch of the night/season/decade/lifetime (delete as applicable), with a wonderfully taken diving left handed catch off a very well hit into shortish mid-wicket. Possibly the only person present at the match who could have taken it, as you can imagine the celebration was quite something!
Not to be left out, Sharif also benefited from taking the pace of the ball, grabbed another 2 wickets, one of which was their best bat caught superbly in the deep by Jim Frost, which effectively sealed the victory. Taz then wheedled out another 2 wickets giving him the shot at a 5 wicket haul. Coming in off 3 paces, how on earth he no-balled, we will never know, but at least he gets another ball the grab the elusive 5th wicket. Batsmen swipes the ball to the skipper who catches (at last) and the whooping and a hollering begins. No one moves, gentle laughter ensues. “Sorry mate, it’s a free hit after a no-ball….” Eh? Any one know the signal for a free ball? Me neither, look it up, looks like a Berlin nightclub dance move.
The fact that we had 2 no-balls in our innings, no mention was ever made or signal given, it denied Taz a brilliant 5 fer – which is a shame, but that is cricket and credit to our All-rounder for taking the decision with such grace and good humour. Can you imagine if it had happened to Mr Angry Pants FFS!
The wonderful thing about this match though was that it didn’t end there. There’s more! Into the tail now, sniffing cheap wickets, the skipper comes on along with Nutter to polish off the last remnants of opposition. Both grab a wicket apiece and then with a few balls remaining and down to the last man, Frost matches Harris’s effort earlier with a simply superb one handed catch at cover (right hand this time) to end the game. Brilliant effort by Lord Frost and by all the aged Fitmen in the field.
Beers, cider and debate with the sun going down. What a classic!