SCORECARD

For whom the bell tolls

Pre-amble: Wombourne

Wombourne (also spelt Wombourn) is a very large village (sometimes claimed to be the largest village in England) located in the district of South Staffordshire, 4 miles south-west of Wolverhampton. Being (narrowly) outside the West Midlands conurbation, it could therefore be classed as “an urban fringe settlement” or possibly a “dormitory village” neither of which do it justice. It has a long history including one of its famous sons being William Fitz Ansculf. He was the son of Ansculf of Picquigny, a Picard baron who came to England with William the Conqueror and built Dudley Castle – now there’s a thing! The Bell (referred to in the headline and the report) belongs to the Parish Church of St. Benedict Biscop whose spire overlooks the cricket ground. It was built originally around 1170 (though improved and extended in the 18th and 19th centuries) and is the only parish church dedicated to this Anglo-Saxon cleric.


Wombourne Tandoori 144 all out - Fitmen 103 all out ……………….Curry in a hurry win by 41 runs

After Stratford elected not to administer their ritual spanking, Hon Fix Sec managed to replace the fixture at short notice with another Birmingham Premier League Club (thanks Si) in the shape of Wombourne.

The promise was a 2nd/3rd XI and, unlike the Thespians by the river, this turned out to be the case. The sole 1st XI player who turned out for the hosts scored 50 and bowled well, but aside from that it was a good and (often/sometimes) close game.

A delightfully picturesque setting in the leafy end of the Black Country featured a welcoming bar*, an outstanding tea and generous support from the terrace. Unlike our annual humiliation at Stratford, the Fitmen came away almost with pride intact but certainly with a new super hero in Sharif. There must be few (if any?) grounds in the country featuring Co-ops at both deep third man and also deep long on and even fewer with a Spar at deep cow, a tandoori ** at (very) deep first slip and Beau Regards (gifts and cards) at Fine leg.

The Bice Bus arrived full and late meaning the toss was slightly delayed but a call of tails (tails???) meant a couple of hours on the grass for the Fitmen - and as if by magic the close conditions had a touch of roasting sun to test the resolve of the visitors. It all started off quite nicely with tight spells the opening pair of Toni & Guy (6-1-19-0 & 7.3 1 32 3 respectively) seeing off the Tandoori opener courtesy of Tom’s first (of 3) smart catch at shortish extra cover. The two batters were obviously wary of the pitch and played themselves in - in between finding vacant areas for the loose shots - but after 12 overs Tandoori were struggling at 30 odd for 1. This changed though as the pair elected to chance their luck and hit out. It was a good decision and by the drinks interval The Old Mo were looking down the barrel of a 180+ score on a pitch that was definitely bowler friendly.

Cometh the hour, cometh the man. A post-Eid slimline (?) Sharif replaced George Dawes after the big fella announced to the skipper that his 2 overs for 20 weren’t a stroke of bad luck and that keeping him on would seal the Fitmen’s fate.

Sharif’s final figures ( 8-0-25-5) didn’t flatter and were a deserving set of stats for the unofficial man of the match. Even the nearby church steeple sounded the bells as he ‘steamed’ in to keep the game in the balance. He was ably supported at the other end by the welcome ‘full time’ return of Chas (8-0-19-1) who claimed he only bowled three decent balls in his 8 over spell – the last 3…………the rest of us figured his new marital status has brought with it modesty as well as a tidy contribution from Butch 4-013-1.

Decent bowling, a pair of catches from Richard, a hat-trick of the same from Tom and a brace of smart stumpings from Skipperrrrrr meant that, in the end, it was a satisfactory return on a hot afternoon. The target of 145 was considered (over ‘top dollar’ tea) to be definitely do-able. Unfortunately it wasn’t.

Openers Tom and Si provided the required turgidity and (despite a series of bouncer no balls not being given) the pair started to look as comfortable as you could get on a pitch that provided strikingly uneven bounce and a tendency to ‘stick’. It was clearly a case of ‘get in and then chance your luck’.

Unfortunately the reply from the Fitmen generally involved ‘get’ in’ but, Bicemiester (27) apart, the ‘chance your luck’ wasn’t undertaken by many. Double figures from Chaz (12) and Guy (11) plus a valiant effort from our ‘loan’ player Stuart (9) simply wasn’t enough and come the last wicket pair a further 62 were required off 12 overs.

The plan for the fearless (but sadly also useless) no 10 and 11 was to give the impression of complete incompetence until the last 4 overs then either knock off the 40 required in double quick time or take so long that it would be either dark or raining. The first was achieved admirably but tragically it didn’t rain - and despite doing an impression of ‘Occupy’ for 8 overs the pair were found out when the oppo elected that unusual strategy of bowling on the stumps. That was the end of that. But at least we got beyond 100 – no mean feat on the track provided.

Fair play to the Tandoori bowlers – the standout appeared to go by the name of ‘Nail’ (might have been our dyslexic scorer) but he conceded just 8 runs from 8 overs. The openers likewise were tight – they shared the first 10 overs and took 2 wickets for just 17 runs.

Speaking of tracks provided, the Tandoori leggy turned it so much that he pitched on an adjacent strip and still didn’t get “wided”. In the end the 5 minute ‘discussion’ about wides didn’t impact on the result.

Appendix & Notes

Law 25:
1. Judging a Wide

(a) If the bowler bowls a ball, not being a No ball, the umpire shall adjudge it a Wide if, according to the definition in (b) below, in his opinion the ball passes wide of the striker where he is and which also would have passed wide of him standing in a normal guard position.
(b) The ball will be considered as passing wide of the striker unless it is sufficiently within his reach for him to be able to hit it with his bat by means of a normal cricket stroke

*Featured Tha+++ers Gold, Bonks Sundown and usual array of Eurofizz along with more big screen TVs than Curry’s and thoroughly delightful bar staff. We must go there again.


**Mellanie Thompson on www.urbanspoon.com said: “My husband and I have been eating at this restuarant [sic] for over 10 years now and not once have we ever had a bad meal, we have tried most things on the menu, but the tikka masala is fantastic. We have tried other curry houses in Wolverhampton, but no one comes close, Rafique and the team are [sic] a great bunch and welcome our two young children, nothing is too much trouble. We will continue to enjoy our curry and have now given up trying curry anywhere else as we know you cannot beat Womboure [sic] Tandoori! ‘Excellent Service & Food!’”

Guess she could have saved the effort of all that typing and simply said ‘Bostin’.