SCORECARD


The Handbags and the Gladrags

The pressure of securing a win in our away visit to Selly Oak Hospital CC's home ground was palpable; victory would have delivered the best start to the season on record for the Fitmen. Naturally, in classic Fitmen fashion, we managed to mess it up.

A team of all-rounders descended upon Hopwood, and remarkably, everyone turned up before the 6 pm start time. This was a monumental effort, particularly for Fingers, who managed to visit two other cricket grounds circumnativating junction 2 of the M42 before locating the correct one!

The toss—south of Brum—tails—Wales—never—fails. We elected to bat. T20 with ten overs from each end and heavy showers and a double rainbow. A good toss to win; nobody fancies batting in the dark especially with a red ball. And there runs out there on an astro wicket despite the long grass on the outfield.

Opening the batting were Skipper Jonesy and, due to an elbow injury sidelining the King of Swing from leading the bowling attack, Sunny Singh. What a luxury to have him pitch-hitting at the top of the order.

Now then. Sunny hit his first ball for a boundary, nonchalantly sweeping it off his legs around the corner. The second ball was a good one: bounce, inswing, and it struck Sunny on the front pad. Maybe high, maybe heading down leg, there was a slight appeal from the bowler, but nothing from the wicketkeeper or the fielders. That didn't deter 'Quick Draw Billy': OUT! Sunny was not pleased and made his feelings known. Billy, of course, fails to grasp nuance or concede, double down, and the 'debate' between the two continues throughout most of the game and then into the Fitmen WhatsApp group in prose very similar to the famous letters between Immanuel Kant and J.G. Fichte

Anyway, back to the sideshow that was the cricket. Jonesy was joined at the crease by Sailor. The new ball and the astro wicket suited attacking cricket, and in no time, both had reached their half-century with minimal fuss. Jonesy was fluent on the front foot, driving through the covers, reaching 51 off 33, while Sailor was blistering with 52 runs at a strike rate of 247, smashing into the on side with six fours and three sixes.

Both retired upon reaching 50. Very much like the WMD game two weeks prior, we had 100 runs in 9 overs with 9 wickets in hand—200 looked like a mere formality. With Waz down at 8 and Billy at 9, we were set!

But the Selly Oak skipper is no mug, and after seeing the top order retire, he brought himself on to bowl and completely turned the tide. He returned tidy figures of 2-12 off 4 overs, while everyone else got 'boshed'. A mini-collapse ensued when Juma was stumped. Debutant Dan scored his first run in 16 years and was then bowled. The rebuild started with Brother Nutter contributing 19 off 23, and a beautiful return to form from Fingers, scoring 33 off 25, with some fine cuts and pulls, rolling his wrists over the ball—it was lovely. Waz provided a typical, bludgeoning cameo of 12 off 6, and we got to 180. It looked okay.

The Fitmen's opening bowling partnership doesn't look better on paper than Waz and Billy. However, Selly Oak's opening partnership teed off from the start, with a capital T. Waz bowled beautifully but still went for over six an over and remained wicketless. Billy took tap and was pulled after just two overs.

The Skipper looked around for a first-change bowler. Nine Fitmen had their heads down, trying not to catch the captain's eye: hands in pockets, ‘ not my end’, ‘the backs tight’, needing to warm up etc etc. Every Fitman apart from one: John Ashton, arms circling around, warming up, even if his action and speed don't quite warrant such stretching. Come on, then, you speed-demon headmaster! His three overs at an economy of 13 deserved better. Keeper Fingers later reviewed that it was the best he'd seen Ashton bowl. Damning with faint praise? you decide, but when the team needed him, the Demon HM stood up.

After Waz finished his four overs, we needed to change it up. Enter Nutter, who secured a textbook LBW in his first over, with the batter playing three shots before the ball thudded into his pad—a chef's kiss of a Nutter wicket. His second wicket, a fine stumping with some neat glove work from Fingers. A very respectable 2-23.

Juma was finally negotiated into the attack and looked a different class. On an astro wicket, his variations and flight managed to keep us in the game with 2-21 off his 4 overs. We need you every week, buddy—class act, and great for team morale.

Midweek all-round safety came from Brother Nut's medium-pace accuracy, 1-19 off 2, and could have been bagged another wicket if Jonesy and Billy hadn't both gone for the same catch, coming within about two inches of running into each other to create a force of impact close to the Hadron Collider. Jonesy ultimately dropped it. And catches win matches!

Billy was brought back into the attack, with Selly Oak needing not many off three overs. With the rain now bucketing down, the sun set, and only the lights of the bar illuminating the pitch, a focused head was required. Instead, Billy was too distracted trying to 'Mankad' the backing-up batsman to bowl any semblance of line and length. Let's just say it was not his day.

Selly Oak won with about 9 balls to spare. The undefeated streak ended on May 13th, but the opposition were a good set of lads.

Most Fitmen retired to the clubhouse and enjoyed a very good Guinness and large packets of papadom chips, whilst the fireworks continued to blow up on the WhatsApp group.

We go again!