SCORECARD

Tour player ratings

Chris Jones – To be expected, solid performance. Marked down a point for calling heads at a ground obviously 45 miles (65KM) South from Birmingham. Some utter tripe about the ground being North of the rotunda in Cheltenham will go down in Fit folklore. Marshalled the troops on both days and stepped up when needed after the shocking demise of the tour chairman. 7 boundaries in a score of 29, the trophy was in his grasp. There is always next year. 3 tight overs and keeping morale up as the ball went “Boom, Boom, Boom” was an excellent effort.

Harry Eames – Still waters run deep. Tasked with managing a marauding Lockyer and stuck to the mission admirably. No moaning, always there. Dependable. Key backroom skills of a cricket tour party. Shouldn’t really be surprised by an excellent effort on the dancefloor with such spritely feet on the cricket pitch. 32 off 44, again could have been a trophy winner. A Northern soul night on the next tour might push this quality Fitman to greater heights.

Simon Howarth – If Criddy is reading this, he didn’t play any cricket what so ever. Eating chips with a straw. Sleeping in KFC. Very useful knock of 26. Late cuts and glances (never edges) and tuck off the hips brought a tear to the eye. This player has won more Man of Tour trophies than we’ve had hot dinners, so knows how to pace himself. Great to see him back in whites, but don’t know whether 3 hours broiling in the field has reversed his retirement decision. Bringing a “surprise” tour guest scores a bonus point.

Tom Rowands – “Snake Hips” “Dancefloor maestro”. Raconteur bonus points for a story which culminated in “and they just ended up with an Audi TT and one of the houses”. Different level. 25 conceded off an over possibly a tour record? Not that much phases this multi-talented sportsman. A fantastic addition to the Fitman ranks

Ian Timms – Man of Tour !!! His first ever Fitman 50 and what a time to get it. 78 off 67 (48 ball 50) with 11 boundaries. Attired like a flying picket on-strike binman, with greying T-shirt and black gloves he cut a dash like no other. Excellent Saturday effort with an opening midday pint, finished 16 hours later, playing cards at Chez Martin party house. Would have failed all known drugs tests. So de-hydrated he wouldn't have been able to provide a dark amber specimen. A performance to be proud of.

Stevie Nicks – Pretty much ran the show. When the official Tour chairman shouldered arms, Nicks stepped up. Arranged a game at a fantastic ground against talented opposition who provided a superb tea. Marshalled the troops and kept momentum to ensure the tour actually happened. Yes, he got mullered, fell over, bloodied sheets…but we’ve all been there. 2 for 63 and a four ball duck would have broken mere mortals. This kid is made of sterner stuff. A brilliant effort. Nicks is the lifeblood of this club. Mentioned in dispatches. 10/10

Sharif – Shared a stand of 99 with Timmsy. His wagon wheel was more akin to a Dairylea cheese triangle through the mid-off to mid-on region. No matter how hard he tried to hit it, gave it the big heave-ho (Oh no!), 21 singles was impressive. Was the best bowler by a mile 8-3-36-1. Guile and cunning at it’s best. Best dressed Fitman award. Moves his feet way more to UK Garage than at the crease. Quiet and reserved on the Saturday but anything more would be frowned upon.

Sam Lockyer – The dark horse lived up to his reputation with an eye watering effort on the Saturday. He was everything, everywhere, All at once. Chatting, regaling. A stand out, in your face performance. A couple of brushes on the sprung dance floor whilst body popping and doing the boogaloo apart, it was an all day drinking session for the ages. Well played sir. After such an effort, not a surprise to see movements the next day a touch more robotic. Still managed to grab a tidy tour wicket luring an Apperley batsmen down the track for Tom to make a smart stumping

Raj Singh – The Owzatt cricket dice put paid to Raj’s Man of Tour chances early on Saturday at Bar 131. An excellent sun-drenched bar, full to the brim with totty (not flange or clunge ffs – both wrong on many levels), great music etc...Despite climbing K2 earlier in the month, Raj didn’t fancy bowling, so although claiming Frostie’s fielder of the tour award, it was always going to be a challenge. As always, a top geezer. Great to see on Tour.

Stu Mould – Got a call at 10am asking “where is everyone?” Mouldy’s propensity to arrive early to everything, went to new lengths when the lad arrived in Cheltenham on Friday evening at a luxury health spa for maximum preparation potential. Again, the Owzatt dice dealt him a wrong un’ so batting was out of the window. Nothing phases this man, so with grace he made sure he delivered a quality Saturday effort, bowled with a hangover when asked and positioned himself in the trenches down the hill to be cannon fodder all afternoon. One can only laugh as yet another bomb was launched his way. Did well to escape the Somme in one piece.

Ade Martin – A Mr Tumble-esque weekend for the beefy all-round (er). Organised accommodation, did the driving, ended up sleeping on an air-bed. One of those tours. Highly effective Saturday. Nothing silly, kept a steady pace all day and night. Moaning re the toss leads to a point deduction, but toiling for 8-1-41-2 and joining Baldrick down in the Somme trenches all Sunday means a solid B-. Nothing fancy. A good tour

James “Horatio” Frost – What a welcome addition to the tour. Howarth’s “Surprise guest” gave his all, as always. The talisman led from the front. Murdered the dance floor. Had the ladies swooning their way into his little black book. A masterful performance. A tour for the ages. Read the Sunday papers in the shade sipping tea, whilst others flailed around in the field. That takes years of experience to deliver. It’s a 10. End of.

Tom and John Houlgate - The engines on this pair are quite remarkable. Huge characters quaffing enormous quantities of ale, but never appearing sozzled, goosed, twatted or out of control at any stage. Great lads.

Sam Moore – The tour chairman. £75 taxi, £85 un-slept in bed. £150 washing machine repair to Kev Cuthbert. If Carlsberg did cricket tours, this wouldn't be one of them…..enough said