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Fixtures and Results | Match Reports

Date Against H/A Link Result Captain/Score
Sun 5 / 9 / 2021 Barford Home (YW) Won by 37 runs. Old Mo 271-7. Oppo 234-9.


Tempus Fugit when you’re having fun

The Graveyard. Bone dry. Death to the economy rate

25 degrees, sunny, sticky. Hungover? What would you do if you won the toss? Sit in the partial shade supping a cold beverage? Fair play to the Barford skipper who had players who needed to be off somewhere (Nottingham) later in the day, so a manufactured toss led us batting 1st. It was a tail FTR.

Mo fresh from some close over 60’s action earlier in the week opened up with Harry and faced a Hawkins family attack. Fire and Brimstone paired with guile and experience. Some exceptional bowling was exactly what Mo needed to focus. Really tough to set a field to when in such exquisite touch. An absolute master class. Harry scored fluently rotating the strike and cracking 3 boundaries. 59-0 off 10. Out for 23 to Barford’s best bowler, Griffin (8-0-27-2).

Sammy Moore on the back of big night in was bleary eyed and ready for action but back at the clubhouse 3 balls later falling to a shooter from the length dead zone. The Ashfield square has seen some action this summer and luckily the Fitmen were given the best of it. Following an U15’s masterclass, to get the overs in, a 10 from each end was agreed. Recently recovered from lack of taste, Howarth therefore had to endure “The Dead zone”, didn’t get his bat low enough and succumbed, mumbling all the way back to the hutch in his new Covid husky voice. 76-0 to 76-3 in minutes.

Luckily, skipper had blagged the impossibly talented Juma to make his Sunday debut for the Fitmen with A. Promises of a great tea and B. midweek texts suggesting his brother Fadil was slightly better than him. See later re Tea, but Juma’s 60 off 48 balls was class personified. I’d suggest the Fitmen are possibly 42.9 levels below Juma’s standard (**For the record the combined ages of today’s team was 475/11 = 42.9 which as all Hitchhikers aficionados’ know is the secret to life, The Universe and Everything), but he’d never let you know it. Who else gets to 50 quickly, shouts to his skipper to pad up and gets himself out on purpose to give a mate a game?

In a galaxy far, far away, Mo completed his fantastic century (his 99th of his career) and was joined by Skip for a short 6 off 5 before being bowled (not on purpose) allowing the self-depreciating Rich Bice to the middle. Now I’d like a SPOND poll set up to decide who over the last 10 years is the best batsmen we’ve seen. If Bicey hadn’t been so selfless and batted 1,2,3 over the last decade he’d have scored over 5000 runs. However, 37 off 19 with four 4’s and three 6’s, one utterly huge over the trees onto the 3rd Fairway, probably won us the game (we did win by 37 runs). Now, you can’t turn back time and do it all over again, but if you could, I reckon he would still say “let everyone else have a game” and still bat at 7 and destroy anything in front of him. The hand-eye King pulled a decent ball straight at the scorebox….BOOM! Time stood still…..the land that time forgot? "Tommo’s clock!" cried Jonesy and Bairn!!! NOOOOO ! Yes. At 3.33PM times winged chariot fell silent. Tommo’s memorial “Vintage/Antique clock” smashed and shown to be a Hong Kong repro…its what he would have wanted…fuckin chuckle bros etc….

250 felt par with the short boundary and rapid outfield, so to finish on 271 was good, as long as we didn’t all wilt in the humidity.
In days gone by, the lure of Fitmen was the quality of the tea. On the cricketing table was the promise of Sunny’s special wings, Frazzles 4 Samosas, Gav’s undrained tuna sog’s, Tuckerrr’s Pizza, Howarths pork product bridged by Bicey’s lemon drizzle all washed down with a drink of choice. In these mid Covid times, the cricketing tea has become something of a mythical/folklore memory. Our super talented Juma made his Sunday debut on the back of skipper’s tea promises and thank the cricketing gods he did. Mrs Abbas swung into action with aplomb and I’m sure Raj won’t be wanting a chicken wrap off “her indoors” anytime soon. Let’s hope the new season brings the classic tea break back and for the record, Steve and Kate had nothing to do with Ashfields “No tea” policy! Massive thanks again guys for supporting us on so many midweeks and Sundays running the club/bar. We all do really appreciate it.

So to defend 271. Easy Peasy? Not according to Vice skipper for the day, back from the grave (again) Howarth. “Oohh watch out for these pair, both class players…scored 100’s last time we played”. Well my advice is, don’t take a quick single to Sammy Moore in the covers ball 3…direct hit from 25 yards 1 fer 1. “OMG, this bloke scored a double hundred a few years back”….5th ball, top of off tickled….1 for 2. “Sheisen…the number 4 used to play for Worcestershire”, what about a long hop from Raj, safe hands from Moore again? Out for 20 odd? 35-3. All good? Everyone buzzing?

Err no… Raj you OK? Just finished his 4th over started to look a touch pallid.

Cardinal chunder made an appearance at the most perfect mid-off. If only Frazzle had been playing, we would have had the perfect “spot” for him… Raj muttering “bloody missus…chicken wrap” vacated the area with sicky mucus dangling from nose and mouth giving all the vinegar strokes. Yuk. Whether or not this was the turning point in the game, we’ll never know but surely the talented Barford lads must have thought “who the f are these muppets getting tanked up and being sick everywhere?” Game on.

Resident 12th man Chairman was unavailable (golf), so who to turn to in our hour of need whilst Raj went to upchuck in the rough? Steve and Kate flatly refused before Rob Green having forgotten his cycling helmet, I kid you not… `was lured into extra cover for an hour. Saved 40 runs and left at drinks. Great work indeed

Their number 3 on 21 is in. Good player. Starting to middle it. Lockyer first ball of his spell. Simply un-playable. It’s like Floaty Bodyline. Plumb. The roar. Out. A haunting 6 over spell mesmerised Barford. 8-1-37-1 when 500 runs scored on the day. You know. Bal only let 16 off his first 5 overs, so we were in charge.

However, Barford had a 7,8,9,10 who scored 70, 57, 27, 23, their xi was 7 not out.

No dropped catches. Chanceless excellent batting. 6th wicket partnership of 130. Match poised. Juma 5-0-21-1 was excellent in making the run chase impossible. But then another Barford counter attack with the quick all-rounder Jack Hawkins smashing Sharif to all parts but then all the way to long on….big big hit, going over the fence into the gardens? “Nah….i’m feeling better already: it was just a strategic puke” Raj Singh pulls off THE match winning catch.
Tariff level 10
Oh to be a Fitman