SCORECARD

The myriad of ways to skin a cat – a cat o nine tails

We all know cricket is a great metaphor for life. Some can toil away for years on end and only occasionally get a glimpse of greatness, whilst others can seemingly do the minimal breathing in and out and be rewarded with trinkets and treasure mere mortals can only dream of.

With the weather set fair, (19 degrees, scudding clouds) once our opponents for the day – “The Beeb” had got themselves out of hair and make-up ready for a 1.30 start, just a run through of sanitisation regulations and the obligatory coin toss were required. Always a smile when their skipper calls heads when blatantly south of Brum and with a touch of overnight rain, Pebble Mill were invited to bat.

Raj begrudgingly agreeing to open up with Skip, bowled really well in tandem. Nothing loose. 4 Maidens and just 30 runs garnered by the openers in the first 60 balls. The 1st wicket of the day for Martin pouched by a bizarre fall down/tummy balance/double hand grab whilst your glasses fall off type of catch, by Lockyer. You can’t teach that. Love a bit of Bathos me…Saturday open the batting for Harbourne ones with Jonathan Trot…what a juxtaposition to be pitched against the poorly knee of Raj and the Ankle of Gout. Sublime to the ridiculous. Payne is some player though. Everything came straight out of the middle from ball 1. I’m sure we’d all be happy with 2 or 3 functioning shots in the old kit bag. This kid hit it wherever I didn’t put a fielder. Yes, some fielders drifted off into their own space, as is their want, but a seriously good 60 runs for a quality cricketer.

After getting carted over the club house for a huge 6, skip asked Jonesy to warm
up for first change with Waseem. Some more good tight bowling ensued, although Payne did smash anything short or over pitched for boundaries…so it had to be! Waz cleaned bowled the dangerous opener with a peach of a delivery and then bagged his 2nd with a good catch from Bal. Juma then brought on into the attack with the job of trying to dislodge the talent got a bit of tap from the aggressive number 5 Fentham before clean bowling him. Then came the 2 catches of the day from Jonesy. Juma flighted one up which Payne absolutely creamed to the extra cover boundary where stood our totemic talisman. Hand stinging first attempt then pouched the re-bound. Great work.

Waseem then garnered his 3rd W courtesy of an LBW decision (many thanks to the oppo’ umpire for doing a great job for both innings – poor form not buying you a beer afterwards, 2 next season I promise!) and the BBC top order had all been accounted for after 24 overs. Now over the years there have been great exponents of “Death” bowling. Tail enders quaking in their boots at the sight of Ambrose, Marshall or Malinga the swinger warming up. Well it’s no different for the Fitmen. Marking out his 15 pace run up, so it was that Samuel Lock (The Plop) yer started his spell. At times nudging 29 MPH, in he came, bustling in, up it went, the ball on an impossible looping trajectory, straight onto a perfect length. The batsman had already played 3 different shots, had a chat with Tucks, fiddled with his pads before returning to reality to find he had been cleaned bowled. If he was stupid enough to try and lay bat on ball then somehow it was just scooped for a simple caught and bowled. What about if you were in negotiations for a new book deal with our Sam? Ghost written by Professor Stephen Hawking on how quarks and dark matter had been discovered when Lockyers bowling action had been investigated? Well then that’s you out for a duck sir and I’ll get you to buy me a beer afterwards.

Read it and weep. 5.2 Overs, 1 Maiden, 4 wickets for 4 runs….4 for 4 FFS??? Brian Lara eat your heart out. A lovely 5 overs from Bal at the other end allowing only 8 runs will not make the headlines but still good stuff. The storm clouds parted, the sun came out and life returned to normal. The BBC gobsmacked. Had that just happened? 112 All out

Really can’t wait for the ceremony of a good cricket tea to start again. Cheese salad sarnies with a bag of Katsu curry crisps (not that bad actually) whilst enviously eyeing up everyone else’s lunchbox is not quite the same and you can take that sentence in whatever context you want.

So to the Fit innings needing 113 to get the first W of the season. Harry and Jawed opened up to face Barry Potter and a certain D.O’Connor. Potter bowled some tidy stuff with O’Connor also finding a good line and length. Harry got a low shooter ball 3 to be out bowled and then the following over Jawad chipped an easy catch to be out for 3. Howarth in at 4 smote a nice boundary before again providing catching practice for eager BBC fielders and the Fitmen were 32 for 3 off 7 overs. Mini wobble? Never! Tucker was in belligerent mood carting bad balls to the boundary whilst being very watchful of good length balls. 44 Not out, a lovely average boosting start to the season.

The ever generous Juma saying “bat me down the order” allowed Waseem the sniff of a first proper knock coming in at 5. We know the lad can bowl (3 fer 20) and is great in the field. Now we know he can bat. Yet another Fit all-rounder to join the packed ranks! 55 not out off just 33 balls with eight 4’s and two 6’s. Proper blitzkrieg. Tucker nearly pulled off another coup de grace with a penultimate over 4,6, dot…but with 3 needed to win, a huge 6 from Waseem finished the game and delivered his debut 50.

Another quality afternoon. Good opposition all staying for post-match drinks. Now the toughie. Man of the Match? Surely Waseem with a 3 fer and debut fifty? But 4 for 4 and 2 catches for Lockyer? It’s too tough to call…..i’ll let you the reader decide…..