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Fixtures and Results | Match Reports

Date Against H/A Link Result Captain/Score
Wed 12 / 7 / 2017 Birmingham Libraries Home (YW) Won by 13 runs. Old Mo 180-3. Oppo 167-9.

SCORECARD

Fitmen Quieten Libraries in Bodice-Ripping, page turning, thriller

What are the ingredients to a good novel? Believable central characters, an enthralling plot, intriguing side stories, evil villains and above all a central tenet of good prevailing over the forces of injustice.

Acknowledgements
This game could not have taken place without the efforts of the Birmingham City Council, a bout of tonsillitis, swollen ankles, veiny legs and a broken down car. Thanks to Gavlar and Rob Nutt for their efforts in the re-writing of this story.

Preface
A writer’s lot is not an easy one, as short story specialists Martin and Hendry found out, trying to blend an eclectic bunch of characters into a 10 a side match. The timeline was twisted by late arrivals but Hendry knowing the sub plot of previous coin tosses called Tails (obvs) and inserted the Fitmen into bat. Retire at 50 rule “to give everyone a game” sent shivers down the spine of the Fit bowling tomes.

Chapter 1
Once upon a time, there was a man everyone called Sharif. The oldest gunslinger in town. He took no prisoners and asked for no favours. All he desired was a chance. Just one more chance. No one talks of the past. Jones his deputy for the night donned gloves and pads to face the dreaded onslaught from the Library Quickmen.

Sharif dominated the opening exchanges. 39 off the first 5 overs was a brilliant start. Jones initially playing second fiddle to Sharif’s great wand allowed only 3 balls in the first 15 minutes, excelled in his opening role smashing 14 before falling to the great Hooper. 105 tests, 5762 Runs. Decent gene pool if indeed Mr Hooper was from the hereditary line. Whatever, the lad could ping it down.

Mo Azam is our very own detective. Think Poirot, Sherlock, Miss Marple. If there is a whiff of something suspicious in the air, our learned No.3 will be right on it. Sniffing a ringer was in attendance, Mo honed his exemplary skills to tough it out and wait for the bad ball to show itself. The next 40 minutes of the story passed in a flash. Good running, cuts, heaves and pulls delivered 100 runs in no time.
Sharif had seen it all before. Unblemished. Faultless. Ramping, edging and flicking his way to a superb 50 off only 38 balls. Mo retired in the same over for 54, quality knock.

Chapter 2
Once the detective and The King were back in the hutch, it was time for the bit part players to make their way into this intriguing story line. Gavlar’s back story probably warrants a chapter on its own. A modern day James Bond. Our very own Poker playing, International cyber specialist. Silent and deadly, like a good fart, 26 off just 17 kept the scoreboard ticking along and pushing the game in the Fitmen’s favour. There are always a couple of henchmen, who as soon as they arrive in the plot, you know they are going to be killed off. So it was that Tahir, strangled out for 4 and Martin, hoisted on his own petard for 2.

In such a saturated paperback fiction market, there is always a need for a touch of sex to sell some units. Perfect time for Tucker to come in at 7 (yes 7) then. Readers will be left breathless and slightly moist in the scenes which followed. 1,6,6, dot (you tease tucker)1,1 was pornographic.
Think Cumbrian babes meets Razzle. 180 off 20. Indecent.

Chapter 3
“The man in Black fled across the Desert, and the Gunslinger followed”
“In a hole in the ground there lived a hobbit”
“Lolita. Light of my life, fire of my loins. My sin, my soul”
Three great opening lines from various “books” but the words ringing in Fitmen ears from the skipper’s rant was, we know it’s going to go pear shaped, but let’s stay with it.
And so it came to be.

Some character’s hide when the going gets tough, but not so our hero gunslinger Sharif and quiet, silent assassin Volcanic Ash Hussein. You have never met such a talented and down to earth man in your life. Two years out of the game and the first ball is an absolute snorter. Respect from everyone he meets. 2 for 44 might sound bad but Sharif’s 1 for 56 puts it in perspective.

The Library openers of Mssr’s Hooper and Aman smashed 88 off the first 8 overs. A brand new cherry was lost forever in the 2nd over. Whatever was thrown down was dispatched or destroyed. Edges flew for four. Sixes soared ever skywards. However, Sharif through shear willpower snagged the Hoop. (a well taken steepling catch from Lolita Tuks). Ash bagged Aman and the dangerous number 3. Suddenly, despite the Libraries being on 101 off 10, the game was back on.

Chapter 4
Suddenly everyone wants to bowl. The danger men are out. Libraries skipper Hendry is in. The squeeze is on. Hendry had other ideas. Having batted for the Fitmen on numerous occasions, we all know how well he can play. Neat footwork, classic drives through the V, but susceptible to the full toss!

Jones and Rob Nutt asked to stem the tide bowl well, leaving the Libraries on 138 off 15. A superb catch at cow corner by Sherlock Mo removes a dangerous bat. Batsman looking for a replay to see if Mo had kept the ball off the ground. Re-runs of Jeremy Brett impersonating the deer stalker hat wearing sleuth, on ITV2 in the morning is the closest he’ll get. Superbly scooped.
There were a few drops. Tahir dropping Hendry was a crime. Sharif shelling another added the comedic relief. But the Sherriff was on hand again to pouch a victim for the impressive Nutt.

5 overs to go 43 needed. Light fading fast. Bal up till this point quietly going about his business. Unseen, but not forgotten. Spin bowling at the death requires bravery and cunning. Under the radar, 6 off his first. 37 needed off 4. The tension was palpable. You could taste it. Glory or failure were there for all. Time to bring on the one armed villain, held together by pride and tissue paper, skipper for the evening. A stumping for Lolita and another out next ball. Hatrick ball….stuff of legend. Jug well avoided.

Bal reigns them in again with some suffocating spin meaning 23 needed off the last 12 balls. On a knife edge. The limping one armed croc shuffles in again and clean bowls Hendry for a classy 47. Nearly there. 18 now needed off the last and Rob Nutt asked to be the hero of the hour. 3rd ball caught and bowled and the Libraries were defeated. Rob Nutt riding off into the sunset with a fair maiden in his arms.

Epilogue
A game played in good spirit, lovely fish curry and a few beers to finish off a fine evenings entertainment. 2 brand new balls lost into the wilds. But surely a fair price to pay?