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Fixtures and Results | Match Reports

Date Against H/A Link Result Captain/Score
Sun 23 / 7 / 2017 Snitterfield CC Home (YW) Tied Old Mo 179-8. Oppo 179-9.

SCORECARD

Cumbrians come out on top, sort of, in BALListic thriller

I got picked up 10 minutes before the game by skipper for the day Tucker, who informs me he was Cardinal Chunder last night. Toss won, Slip cordon of Frost (knee), Sunny (Groin) and Skip (hanging), was enough to get Snitterfield inserted. Talk in the changing room was of keeping the score down, delivering level 9 wings at tea and see how our amiable oppo could handle it. It was also the grand hurrah and farewell of our top economy bowler Sir Guy of Brentnall. Departing the urban sprawl of Brum for the rugged and wild rurality of Cumbria. There wouldn’t be a dry eye in the clubhouse later, well the wings were particularly savage….

Marsh coloured track, light shower pre match, perfect for Sharif and Sunny to grind it out and keep it tight. The talented Snitterfield batsmen had other ideas. Feasting on anything short which delivered tennis ball bounce, the runs flowed freely. Sharif no balled off 3 paces which is an art in itself but did snag the opener for 8, assisted by a fine catch by Frost in the slips. Sunny then slipped and tweaked something groinial whilst bowling. The oppo were on 68-1 off 10, a solid performance so far. What they hadn’t reckoned with was Guy on the field fresh from a double helping of Yorkshire puddings, knowing this could be his last spell for the Fitmen. The stage was set and he didn’t disappoint.

Guy’s first over went for 8. Then the next 7 went for 7, (2 of which were wides), 3 Maidens, 2 wickets – both bamboozled and bowled. In 50 balls only 7 scoring shots allowed. Play and miss at least a dozen times. Drop catch straight after drinks could have set him up for a 5 fer, but the cricketing gods had other ideas. The funny thing was, it was not un-expected. Seen that from him so many times over the last decade.

Trying to keep up the standard at the other end, Martin lumbered in with much less guile but managed to put the strangle on. Good fielding helped stem the tide and at 20 the score was circa 100-3. Tiring badly and smacked for a few boundaries by the talented opener, Dawes conjured up a slower ball to finally get his man for an excellent 57 caught and balled. James Tasker had turned up on time, fielded impeccably and donned in black tracksuit bottoms, delivered a superb spell of bowling. 8-2-22-1. Handled the wings with professionalism.

Just enough time for Jonesy to rip out the heart of the Snitterfield innings with two caught and balled and a clean balled, to register a tidy 3 fer. Martin again sniffing cheap tail end wickets tried his hardest to dislodge the quality 82 year old but only came away with the 12 year old’s wicket. 179 for 9 was a decent effort. The innings played in great spirit by both teams and the tea eagerly anticipated.
To just focus on the wings would do disservice to Frost’s 10 egg mayo sarnies, cheese n pickle, tuna, pizza’s and cakes including the mandatory party rings. But the wings were special. Now we turn to the legendary batting display.

BALL (Noun)
A Solid or hollow spherical or egg shaped object, (which can usually bounce), that is kicked, thrown or hit in a game, “a cricket ball”.

Ball (Verb)
1) Squeeze or form (something) into a rounded shape
2) Have sexual intercourse with someone/thing (look it up)
3) (of a flower) Fail to open properly, decaying in the half open bud

Getting the ball rolling Mo and Frost skipped out to the middle. Some very accurate bowling meant quite a turgid start. Frost luxuriating in 28 balls to get to 8, but when it takes Mo 17 balls to reach the same score, the bowlers must be doing something right. Frost Ballooned one up in the air to be first man out for 13. Jones got a curve ball early doors to be triggered by Sunny LBW, leading to a now “back in the room” Tucker to waddle out.

A gutsy and ballsy innings was needed. Tucks loves a challenge. Mo out caught behind for a solid 24 led to mild panic. Howarth clubbed 2 to the boundary before again holing out, the collapse was on. Martin with strict instructions to get his head down, ignored all and swiped at a good un’ to be out bowled.

Sunny entered the fray with records tumbling.11 ball one out bowled. S/R 9.09. Boom. Then Sharif the saviour came to the crease, Betty Swollocks due to the humidity. 5 balls later, heading back to the pavilion for a good airing (of views), hit on the shin/thigh depending on who you listen to. Being fingered by Frost is never a pleasant experience.

*STAT ALERT* Frost’s umpiring LBW S/R now higher than his run-out/caught/stumped combined S/R ssb* (*since stats began)
Hindsight is a wonderful thing. We all got triggered or threw away wickets just to set up a quite remarkable run chase. Brentnall renowned for his bowling and fielding qualities never truly believed in himself as a batsman. Years bullied into to batting 9,10 Jack had led him to believe he was just a slugger. No so. Perhaps inelegant at times and with a penchant for hoicking, Guy came in at a crucial time. Dotted his first 5 balls but then only failed to score off 3 of his next 19 balls.

Tucker was instrumental though. A Captain’s innings. The Vodka sweats were a long distant memory. Like a wrecking ball he was scampering singles akin to a demented Wildebeest. Scrotum still intact, 102 – 7 off 30 overs. 78 needed off 60 balls. 3 Maximums and 7 fours between this pair tells they had to run 36 singles and three 2’s. Some really accurate bowling with few freebies, Guy smashed a memorable 6 onto the 3rd fairway led to 148 off 36. Tucker smashed 17 off the next 2.

Twelve needed of 2 overs. 6 got. Last over, 1st ball boundary Tucker. Legend. 2nd ball dot, then dot. Shit house. Pressure building. Tuck’s shimmies down the track to smite the winning runs and pow. One straight in the Smurfberries. Quite a hard ball a Duke. No one appealed as we could all see the lad was in some trouble. It was going down leg bollock for the record. Normally a few deep breaths does the trick but this one was nasty. Called for a small cup of water. We all knew his pain but couldn’t offer any crumbs of comfort. Minimal sympathy. The batsman’s Tucker, the Bowler’s Payne. Really!

Finally recovered, Payne then whips in another decent ball at Tucks one remaining. Bails dislodged. A torturous walk back, applause for special 67 off 68 highly bruised deliveries.

Now we understand why JT was wearing trackies. Rapid. Needing 1 to draw or if we get an edge we win, Brentnall covered the 22 yards in just over 4 and a half seconds. That was just enough, but umpiring at square leg, if the ‘keeper had hit it could have all been a different matter. Down to the wire. Guy with 33 Not out. What a send off!
That’s why we love cricket, to be in those moments. Scores tied. An enjoyable end to a summer afternoon.
Beers, more level 9 wings…what could be better?