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Fixtures and Results | Match Reports

Date Against H/A Link Result Captain/Score
Sun 17 / 5 / 2015 Woodleigh Cricket Club Away Lost by 7 wickets. Old Mo 267-3. Oppo 273-3.


In Tom we trust...!
Fitmen 267-3, lost to Woodleigh CC 273-3, by 7 Wickets

Google-ized Definitions
noun - an amount, standard, level or rate regarded as usual or ordinary...
adj - not hostile; amicable

Return to the Highveld
The Fitmen returned to Halesowen still bearing the scars of their previous visit, having met with a non-Jet-Lagged SAFA who ripped us a new one...apparently also about to turn out for Woodleigh CC, a 'friendly' side scattered with players from Coombs Wood First XI, a Worcestershire County League Division 2 outfit.

The walk to the middle and the all important toss
Initial conversation predictably turned to the selection of their overseas non-pro...good news, he had pulled out last evening, and was now being ££££Paid to play by Studley.
The remaining dialogue went thus:
OppoSkipper - "So, how strong are you today?"
FitSkipper - "Fairly deep in the batting line-up, not so much in the way of bowling. What about your lot? What sort of standard are you"
OppoSkipper - "Oh, we are a fairly average team that plays friendlies"

Up goes the coin - FitSkip calls heads (obviously - Halesowen you know), and a winning toss allows the FitSkipper to elect to have a bat.
Back in the changing rooms, Tom C, Mo, Tahir et. al. were all padding up - question comes from a Fitman - "are we batting are we..??"...I shall not name names but you know who you are, and we all know he haS fir...

Woodleigh's opening bowlers kept it tight and swinging, but after Mo nicked a wide one to the 'keeper the shackles were well and truly broken.
Tom C (140 @ 128) and Tahir (84 @ 82) both played majestically for what we think may be the record Old Mo partnership - 189. Tom hit 17 fours and 4 sixes, the best of which came towards the end of the innings against the returning opener, hooking, pulling and driving clear of the boundary, bringing impending danger to the Blue-Rinse masses on the bowling green.
With Tahir swinging and missing when trying to up the rate, Si (non-torpid) Howarth strode to the middle and sliced 3 quick fours to reach 12 not out - scoring shots were then curtailed by a slip cordon of four, plus two gullies. All of this against the second change bowler who chucked it down at a fair pace, conceding only 28 off his 8 overs. Oh, by the way, he "hasn't bowled this year"...
Fluidity in the batting order meant that Sunny was promoted up the order during the marathon patrnership, yet he was not needed as the Fitmen posted a very respectable 267-3.
Thanks must go to the oppo who clapped off the centurion...oh - wait...sorry, maybe not.

Choice [sic] of Grated Cheese on White Bread; Grated Cheese buns; sliced, and I mean SLICED Cheese on Brown bread; Ham; Ham; Ham; Cheese; Tea (Weak or V Weak option); 'Iceland' Chicken (Listeria awaits)...Cheese; and a small round of Tuna Sarnies...

Fitmen Bowling/Fielding
Buoyed by a Churcillian'esque speech in the dressing room the FitXI gathered in the middle to protect a very competitive score. Queries of "where is the new ball?" were met with a reply amounting to Homebase offering Tartan Paint - apparently a discussion between skippers pre-match had culminated in the 'decision' to use the same ball throughout...
Nonetheless, Sunny and Sharif opened the bowling, and it soon became apparent that one of the openers was not keen to hang around. Of an 80-odd opening partnership, the Number 2 managed 16 (ish) before being cleaned up by Chas. His Partner however despatched the 'new' ball to all parts, resulting in numerous bowling changes from the Crown Green End, in an attempt to protect the short boundary. These bowling changes were made simply to try and buy this guy out...no disrespect was meant to the FitBowlers.
Sunny, Raj and Chas were all used, and took some tap at 9, 13 and 9.6 an over respectively.
From the Red Brick end, Sharif kept it very tight conceding only 36 from his 8, but remained wicket-less.
Dr Farid chucked down 2 expensive overs, and so Bal took the reins and snaffled their Skipper LBW (bowling Right Arm Round the Wicket...hehehe), with the scores tied - unfortunately however Bal had also gone for >9 an over...

Points of note however include the destructive opener, already on 70 in no time, nicking one off Chas to the 'keeper...surely a given.
'Keeper, Bowler, Slip, Point, Cover, Mid-Off, Mid-On, DEEP Mid-Wicket, and the even DEEPER Members within the pavilion, all go up in celebration...the umpire however remained unmoved, hands firmly thrust in pockets, "Sharking" the FitKeeper...'Keeper turns to the batsman...stares are exchanged...FitQuotes include "seriously??", "you are kidding, right?", and simply "Wow...that is embarrassing"...

Also of note was a nurdle round the corner for two - Square Leg Umpire was happily looking down towards the ball making its way towards fine-leg whilst the batsmen ran one-short...Sunny and the FitKeeper observed the snafu, and with the 'keeper requesting that the square leg umpire be replaced by someone who is 'able to watch the batsmen...oh, and have an ability to count...', the standing umpire blew a fuse and protected his scion by berating all involved...cue prolonged fracas and verbal exchanges of the blue, and some may argue maybe racist, variety...back up may be needed later.

A request was made to the oppo skipper to replace the standing Grump-ire in order to "dissolve any situation that may occur between the two aforementioned"...answer = flat refusal, quote - "he is the Vice-Captain - he is allowed to do as he pleases..."
Thankfully the diplomat amongst the FitMen managed to get a replacement, who happened to be the father of Mr Angry, and the game continued merrily...
Sunny was brought back into the attack and had a few LBW appeals turned down. With matey boy happy slapping at the other end, their 'keeper somehow managed to get 60 odd before being clean bowled by Sunny - taking and breaking the top of middle.
Just out of curiosity, the strike bowler turned to the Umpire Mr Angry's NotSoAngryDaddy, and made the following polite enquiry:
"If that would have happened to hit his pads, would he have been out LBW?"
Answer - "No - it was going down leg"...UNBELIEVABLE!!

Anyway, in just short of 30 overs the target was reached, with the opener carrying his bat for 171 not out, chipping Sunny over the pavilion for the Final Act.
All Fitmen applauded off the unbeaten Centurion, whilst the post-match debrief included plaudits for Tom and Tahir, and even a 'Stand Down' command...

Post match refreshments
Offerings of tea remians were politely declined, opting instead for lashings of Bathams, Stella and Cooking Lager.

The FitFixtureSecretary has requested all FitSatNavs have postcodes removed for next year...

Average???...make your own mind up....

The End!