SCORECARD

The Right Side of the Tracks

No Man Is an Island, as the famous John Donne once noted in his well-known poem, but is the same true for the cricket grounds in Handsworth? It’s a question that likely hadn’t crossed anyone’s mind until about 2pm this afternoon, when, without intervention, we would have descended upon Handsworth Girls School, facing a long wait to see a doctor. After some frantic WhatsApp, Spod, and phone calls, all eleven fit men learned that our venue was the imaginatively-titled Railway Ground (an old favourite for us Fitmen, apparently). However, why it hasn’t been nicknamed ‘Sodor’—considering it sits between three railway tracks—eludes this reporter

Anyway, let’s move on to the game—Captain, Leader, and Legend Smoore, called tails, north of the Rotunda, and of course, lost the toss. WMD elected to bat, sending their star opening batsman out, who was in great form.

The pitch was dusty, and the outfield was a bit of a minefield. Sunny and DDH bowled impressively at the start, with Sunny achieving a good LBW in the opening overs and being quite unlucky not to get another shortly after. DDH also claimed a wicket, both bowling through for figures of 1-30 and 1-33—very respectable against a strong top order.

Timmsy and a belated Rana took over the bowling but took a bit of tap; Timmsy struggled with some newfound yips, which emerged courtesy of the horn of an Aviati West Coast Penalenao.

After 10 overs, we were staring down the possibility of a 200 total. Which would of been even more if it hadn’t been to the heroics of Dave Moore, who, typically at long stop, valiantly had to handle Sammy’s keeping, resulting in more byes than at the end of The Lord of the Rings!

But then the game turned. Bal caught the opener and came on to bowl; this was his kind of pitch, he was undoubtedly the pick of the bowlers, head and shoulder above the rest, with figures of 3-2-8. While everyone else was averaging more than a run a ball, his economy stood at a stellar 2.67.

Doctors set a target of 161.

Our opening partnership of Ade and Jonesy walked out to bat and got off to a flying start. Unfortunately, The Libertine Ade was looking back into the sun and got clean bowled by a full toss, good one.

In at three, Timmsy misinterpreted another train horn for a run and ran himself out for an easy single (he has a history of this, character witness Billy will testify).

Then, in a hat trick of moments and a rare sequence of luck for the Fitmen. 1. Jonesy bottom edged a cut onto the keeper’s boot and was caught at slip; ready to walk, the keeper honestly admitted it might have been half ground, half boot. 2. A grass cutter LBW that was close to the leg stump received the benefit of the doubt from the umpire, Sunny and 3. Sammy was bowled off a full toss, which was subsequently deemed a no-ball by the square leg umpire. All three decisions could have gone the other way, but fair play to the Doctors, who took each decision in stride without much protest and certainly no dissent. Fitmen, take note for the season: this is how to handle adversity.

Jonesy and Sammy went on to share a partnership of over 70 runs, which ended abruptly with Jonesy (35 off 34) out slogging, stumped off a wide ball. But by then, Sammy was in full swing—anything in that V was getting the treatment, and anything wide was being cut, reminiscent of the 2022 Smoore vintage.

Nutter, elevated up the order, unfortunately got a good one into his off stump. Tony T was the second Fitman to be run out, going for a quick single. The tactic of making himself into a kind of diving hedgehog, tucking both his knees to his chest and his back tucked away, is an unconventional method and relatively ineffective, but we love it all the same.

In at number seven, the newly fitter Fitman, Sunny, joined Sammy. With four overs to go at a run a ball, we’ve thrown away positions like this before. But the lads saw us across the line with two balls to spare. A great achievement, especially as the Doctors mixed up their attack with pace and spin, making it almost impossible to pick the red ball against the railway tracks.

Now, being Doctors, we’d assume that the recommendation to skip the local pub and take a 10-minute drive in the opposite direction to our homes would lead us to a gem in the crown of North Birmingham’s pubs. Unfortunately, the Black Eagle was not quite that establishment; as Ade pointed out, there was dust on that Halloween decoration.